


Wonders of the Waterpark

by PartiPooper



Category: South Park
Genre: (They're like 16 or 17 or something), Aged-Up Character(s), Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-06-02 09:31:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19438681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PartiPooper/pseuds/PartiPooper
Summary: Kyle and Cartman go on a date to the waterpark on a rare hot and sunny day in their town.





	Wonders of the Waterpark

It was a hot day for their little mountain town, so Cartman and Kyle decided to make use of the rare sunshine and lack of snow by going out for a date. Almost two months into their relationship, though, they still had not learned to come to a resolution peacefully. All morning long, they bickered and squabbled about where to go and what to do. Cartman wanted to go to the waterpark, you see, and Kyle wanted to go absolutely anywhere else on earth – or _off_ earth, even. He’d had enough of their pee-filled pools to last him a lifetime. He tried everything to tempt Cartman away, to turn his head: a picnic in the park, a walk in the woods, a drive to the lake, a trip to the mall, a fucking frolic through the cow-patted fields out by the barn at risk of being shot on sight by the rancher for trespassing, fuck, literally _anything_ else. Cartman was stubborn, however, and he kept demanding the waterpark.

After a good half an hour of goose-chase debating, followed by an inconclusive arm-wrestle (Cartman had been gripping the edge of the table for support, Kyle had noticed, and so he had declared his “win” null and void) and an undecided thumb-war (Cartman hadn’t bowed his thumb at the start, which outraged Kyle, and they had argued about whether you _had_ to bow for so long that they forgot to even, well, _war_ ), they realised that daylight was burning, and thus managed to meet an agreement that appeased them both.

…Well, it shut Cartman up, at least.

"We're here!" Cartman announced happily as he pulled into the parking lot. Kyle did not react with as much enthusiasm. His forehead remained pressed to the cool window of the passenger-side door as he looked out at the sunny day and thought longingly about being shot by the rancher. Instead, he was going to get soaked in pee.

"Oh, joy," he replied listlessly. He was flooded with dark, repressed memories as he laid eyes upon the entrance gate. _Pi Pi's Splashtown_ , it said in large letters on the blue frame resembling splashing waves of water. He thought that that was misleading, and that the frame should have been yellow instead. Like pee. Like bananas. Like his nightmares.

"I know, right?" Cartman sighed contentedly, either not noticing Kyle’s sarcasm or just not caring about it. Either way, he was being an ignorant dick. Nothing new, really. He pulled up into an empty parking space and stifled the engine. "There’d just better not be any minorities here today."

Kyle turned away from the window to fix Cartman with a displeased look. "Quit being such a racist bastard."

Cartman scoffed and waved his hand dismissively. "Whatever. You quit being such a germaphobe first." Kyle gaped in disbelief at Cartman as he pulled the keys out of the ignition and opened his door to step out of the car. Kyle followed him out from the other side, slamming the door behind him.

"I'm not a germaphobe!" he cried, rounding the pick-up truck to meet Cartman at the back. "Peeing in the pool is gross, and not wanting to swim in other people’s pee doesn't make me a germaphobe!"

"Well I don't see anyone else complaining," Cartman said, pulling their baggage out of the back of his truck. "It's only you with sand in your vagina. Don't worry, Kyle, the water in the park will flush that sand right out." He patted Kyle consolingly on the shoulder. "Your vagina won't itch anymore."

Kyle growled threateningly and then yelled, "There's no sand in my vagina!" Afterwards, he became aware of the other people around them in the parking lot. He looked around to see couples staring at him like he was weird, and parents warning their children not to make eye contact as they hurriedly ushered them away from what seemed to be a raving lunatic. Kyle felt his cheeks heat up, and he ducked his head and hunched his shoulders, embarrassed to have caused a scene.

"With a temper like that?” Cartman teased. “Sure there isn't.” Kyle looked up again to stare daggers at Cartman, but then found his vision obscured by a floppy, straw sun hat being slapped onto his head. He huffed and lifted the brim flopping over his eyes to stop it from obscuring his vision, and pouted at the way Cartman smiled down at him as if everything was just peachy. "Lighten up, Jew." Cartman grabbed Kyle by his shoulder and jostled him into a half-hug as he gestured at the park entrance with a flourish. "You're at the waterpark!"

"Oh, joy," Kyle repeated with somehow even _less_ enthusiasm than before.

"That's the spirit!" Cartman cheered as he swiped Kyle's nose playfully. Kyle only sighed, because he was too hot and tired to fight. Besides, they were already at the waterpark, so there was no point in fighting anymore anyway. He allowed Cartman to push him towards the entrance of the waterpark. Or pee-park, Kyle thought suited it better. Nice alliteration. And honesty.

Inside the park, though, Kyle’s spirits _were_ lifted somewhat. He was happy to see that many, many minorities were wandering around, and plenty of them were wearing shirts in the pool. He was glad that Cartman was going to feel as miserable as him during their date.

"God damn it!" Cartman seethed and stamped his foot petulantly. "Where the fuck do they keep coming from?!" Kyle just shrugged, smiling with schadenfreude as Cartman had his temper tantrum. "Whatever," Cartman grumbled, "let's just find somewhere else." Kyle allowed Cartman to grab his hand and pull him away in search of a less crowded part of the park. He was all for it – where there were less people, there would be less pee.

He fell into step beside him and raised a hand to the brim of his hat to stop it flopping in front of his face. Wearing it was kind of annoying, but his “sensitive, day-walker skin” (as Cartman called it) burnt easily, so he needed the protection. He faltered, though, as he realised that Cartman had been the one to place the hat on his head – to protect him. He felt his face warm and chanced a sideways glance at Cartman, but he was too busy scanning the passing pools to notice.

"Ah!" he exclaimed suddenly. "This'll do!"

He pulled Kyle towards a pool that was practically empty, aside from an elderly couple wading at the far end. Nobody at the park was bothered with it because it was just an ordinary pool, with no fountains or waves or climbing frames or slides, so there were plenty of pool chairs around the outside that were unclaimed. Cartman threw their baggage down beside one and fell back onto it with a relaxed sigh, throwing his arms behind his head. Kyle settled down in the one beside him, and took his hat off so that he could pull his t-shirt off over his head. As he did, he heard Cartman wolf-whistle, and made sure to glare at him unappreciatively. Cartman just grinned toothily back at him, his eyes looking him up and down.

"Not bad," he said. "I wonder what lucky guy is banging _that_ hot piece of ass." Kyle rolled his eyes, not in the mood for Cartman's games, and bent down to rummage around in the bag. "Oh, wait," Cartman continued as Kyle pulled out a bottle of sunscreen. "That would be me. Score."

"Shut up," Kyle said as he opened the bottle. He poured some of the lotion out onto his hands, and then rubbed it up and down his arms and over his shoulders, down to his chest and stomach. He made a point to pay no attention to the way Cartman was leering at him as he squirted more lotion out and rubbed it along the length of his legs. He squeezed more out, and then tried to reach behind him, but couldn't quite cover all of his back. Cartman chuckled at Kyle's struggle and got up from his chair.

"Here," he said, picking up the bottle and squeezing some lotion into his hands, rubbing it in, "I've got you."

Kyle gratefully took the offer and laid down across the pool lounger on his stomach, nestling his head into his folded arms. Cartman began to rub the lotion into his back, and Kyle sighed blissfully. Cartman had magic hands. They felt so soft, and yet they were so sure in their movements. Kyle gladly took any opportunity he could to receive a massage from them. He hummed happily as Cartman's hands kneaded him from his shoulder blades to the nape of his neck, the tips of his fingers digging in there and targeting the tension.

"Thank you, Cartman," he murmured in the throes of bliss.

Kyle felt as Cartman leant down over him, his breath tickling the shell of his ear when he whispered, "My pleasure."

Kyle shuddered. Cartman felt good. But, all too soon, Kyle's back was covered and Cartman's hands were gone and it was all over. Kyle frowned at the loss. He lifted himself up, and turned just in time to see Cartman taking off his own t-shirt. His frown quickly disappeared, then, since seeing Cartman's naked torso wasn't something that he could be sad about. Though Kyle had complained about it in the past, and although he would never admit it to his face, his boyfriend’s fat just made him all the more cuddly. When he saw Cartman like that, he just wanted to wrap his arms around him, as much of him as he could, and not let go until and unless absolutely necessary.

Cartman seemed to know it, too. He saw Kyle looking at him from the corner of his eye, and smirked. "Like what you see?"

Kyle's cheeks burned for a reason that wasn't the summer sun's fault, and he quickly looked away and yanked his hat back onto his head to hide his flushed face. "No!" he said, too fast and loud for it not to be a lie. He ignored Cartman's knowing chuckles and dove into the bag again, pulling out a book. Cartman groaned upon seeing the cover of it.

"Seriously, Kyle? _Of Mice and Men_? Isn't that the book for our English essay? _Please_ don't tell me you're doing homework on our date!"

Kyle shrugged and laid back on the lounger, opening the book and starting from where he had left off. "Why not? It's nice to read in the sun, so I may as well read our homework book."

Cartman groaned again, exasperated. "Whatever. Be a nerd, if you must. _I'll_ be in the pool."

Kyle didn't pull his eyes away from the words on the page as he raised a hand to shoo Cartman with. Kyle heard him pad away across the damp, concrete floor, and then there was a pause before he heard the splash of Cartman cannon-balling into the water, and felt the droplets of it splashing onto his crossed feet.

"Hey, Kyle!" Cartman called out. Kyle came up from his book momentarily to see him beaming giddily at him, his round head bobbing over the lively surface of the water like a beachball. "Did you see that awesome cannon-ball?!"

"Yeah," Kyle lied, returning to his book. Cartman seemed content with that, as he swam away without further pestering. The peace was short-lived, however.

For twenty-seven pages, Cartman swam around alone and Kyle read in peace; but twenty-eight pages in, Cartman returned and started up whining. "Kyle," he called, drawing out his name saccharinely sweet, and Kyle could tell from his tone that he was vying to get something he wanted. "Are you done reading yet?"

Kyle sighed wearily. He hadn't got very far into the book at all, but it was true that he hadn't paid to get into a waterpark just to read a book in it. Also, he knew that Cartman was going to pester him for quite a long time to get what he wanted, and if he didn't win his attention then he would throw a childish strop and be a pain to deal with, more so than usual. Kyle didn't want to deal with that, so he closed the book. Besides, Kyle could enjoy, it was rather cute: the excited grin that grew on Cartman's face when he saw Kyle getting up from the lounger and dropping the book and his hat onto it in his place.

"Hooray!" he cheered as Kyle sat down on the edge of the pool and slid himself into the water. Before Kyle could even adjust to the cool temperature of the water, though, Cartman surged at him and pulled him into a wet hug. Kyle smiled and patted Cartman's arm. It felt nice to be missed. Especially when they hadn't technically left each other – he’d only been a few feet away the whole time, and it had only been for a few minutes.

As they hugged, the water droplets clinging to Cartman's brown locks dripped down onto Kyle and tickled as they ran down his neck and along his back. They were cold, too, and Kyle decided he wanted to swim around and get used to the temperature. He tried to pull away from Cartman, but when he did, the brunet clung tighter. Kyle huffed irately at his foiled plans and patted his arm again, harder.

"You can let go now," he said. Cartman didn't. Instead, Cartman wormed an arm under Kyle's knees and lifted his feet from the bottom of the pool floor to cradle him to his chest. "You can let go now," Kyle repeated, recoiling from Cartman and shoving his face away with the palm of his hand. Big mistake – Cartman licked his hand. Kyle immediately withdrew it, clutching it to his chest and wrinkling his nose up in disgust. "Ew! Gross, Cartman!"

"Germaphobe," Cartman tittered, turning to walk deeper into the pool, wading through the water with Kyle in his arms. Kyle let him, but attempted to wipe Cartman's saliva off onto his captor’s chest.

"You're disgusting," Kyle grimaced.

"Thank you. It is an art I have perfected over the years." Suddenly, Cartman got a mischievous glint in his eye, as though he had just had another of his wicked ideas. Then, without stopping to first consider whether doing so would make Kyle want to kick his ass (the oaf never did), he performed a low, grateful bow, causing Kyle in his arms to be dunked into the water and unwillingly submerged for a few seconds. When Cartman rose back up, Kyle came up gasping and spluttering and dripping wet.

"Cartman!" he cried, half-exasperated, half-amused, his dripping bangs hanging over his eyes and making him unable to see the evil grin splitting his boyfriend’s face.

"What's that?" Cartman playfully looked all around as though he thought that the voice had come from elsewhere. "I think someone's calling me." He spun round and round on the spot in his “search,” kicking up waves with his hasty motions and sending water splashing everywhere. Kyle clung onto his neck and laughed. He was still beaming when Cartman finally stopped and looked down at him. "Oh!” He feigned surprise, wearing a face like he had never seen Kyle before, never mind been holding him that whole time. “Was that you?"

Kyle laughed good-naturedly and splashed some water up into Cartman's face. "You're such an idiot."

"But I'm hot though, right?" Kyle hummed thoughtfully and pretended to have to think about it, so Cartman dunked him again. Kyle resurfaced laughing and spluttering. "But I'm hot though, right?" Cartman repeated. Again, Kyle did not answer immediately, and so, again, he was dunked. "But I'm hot though, right?" Cartman asked when he brought Kyle up for the third time.

"Well, either I'm getting light-headed from the lack of oxygen or you're actually looking hot," Kyle said with a smirk which Cartman copied as he leant down to nuzzle his nose.

"I think it's the second one," he said as soon as they parted.

"I think it's the first one," Kyle replied. Cartman responded by dunking him under the water once more. When Kyle was brought up from it again, he spat water out of his mouth before saying, "Okay, on second thought, you're right. It's the second one."

"I know," Cartman grinned, and pressed forward again to meet Kyle's lips. The kiss was cool, their lips wet. It was new, kissing in water, and exciting too. Kyle liked how it felt. He knew that Cartman felt the same about it, because he made no move to break it for quite some time. When he finally did, he was smiling in that genuine way which Kyle liked.

Cartman walked around the pool for a little longer afterwards, with Kyle in his arms clinging to his neck. He rocked him to and fro as he waded, in an almost one-sided, swaying aquatic dance. He quickly grew bored of that though, as Cartman tended to do with most things, and dropped Kyle unceremoniously in the deep end of the pool, hooting with laughter as Kyle swam back to the surface feeling betrayed. Kyle got his own back by splashing Cartman in the face, and so they ended up chasing each other around the pool and trying to splash one another.

They went on like that until Cartman's stomach started rumbling, and Kyle began feeling a bit peckish too, so they got out of the pool (Cartman after one attempt, and Kyle after two attempts since Cartman thought it’d be funny to push him back in during his first) and went to the nearby Snack Shack. Kyle just had a regular plate of fries, while Cartman ordered his own, larger portion of fries and the hugest hot-dog the two of them had ever seen.

"Look, it's as long as my forearm!" he exclaimed excitedly, holding his limb against the meat for comparison.

"Huh. So it is," Kyle said, spearing a fry on the end of his fork and dipping it into a dollop of ketchup. He looked past Cartman and his gargantuan lunch, observing the hustle and bustle of the rest of the park. He could hear people screaming as they shot down the tunnel slides, cheering as they slid down the mat slides, and chattering as they floated down the lazy river. He felt a sudden want to join them. "Want to go to another part of the park?"

Cartman turned his nose up at the idea. "But minorities."

Kyle shrugged and shoved the fry into his mouth. "If you don't want to, that's fine, but I'm going to. I want to get my money's worth."

Cartman snickered, "You're such a Jew." Kyle kicked him under the table, but Cartman only kicked him back. Soon they lost the energy to keep up the battle, though, and were satisfied to just occasionally knock their feet against each other’s amicably as they ate and made light conversation.

After lunch, Cartman did end up joining Kyle. He said it was because he wanted to see Kyle’s face when he had to step foot in the pee-polluted water, but Kyle had a hunch that it was just because he hated the thought of playing alone in the waterpark. They packed their stuff up and stored it in a locker, and Kyle took up Cartman's hand in his to lead him through the crowds.

He took him to the lazy river first, because he didn't want to do anything too thrilling on a freshly full stomach. They joined the people waiting and Kyle only half-listened as Cartman complained the whole time about how he hated lines and how everything would be going faster if those damned minorities weren't there. There were plenty of rubber rings to go around, though, so it wasn't long before Kyle and Cartman were at the front of the line seizing a couple of them for themselves. Kyle slid back into his easily and settled down for the ride, and he burst with laughter as he watched Cartman try and fail multiple times to back up onto the ring as Kyle had, falling off of it each and every time. In the end, he just laid across it on his stomach.

"What's the matter?" Kyle teased. "Is your ass too fat to fit in the ring?"

"Kyle, I swear to God, I will kill you if you don't shut up," Cartman threatened irately, but he calmed down after a few circles of the lazy river. Before long, he was grinning again as he grabbed the handle of Kyle's ring and used it to spin him around in slow, gentle circles. Kyle giggled as he spun, happy and relaxed. He even forgot all about pee in that moment. "So Kyle," Cartman began, his expression echoing triumph, "it wasn't so bad coming to the waterpark after all, was it?"

"Yeah, yeah," Kyle sighed dismissively. He hated being wrong, and having to admit his wrongness to Cartman of all people.

Cartman let out a relaxed exhale as he sent Kyle's ring spinning again. "This is the life."

"Yeah," Kyle agreed, nodding and closing his eyes against the bright sunshine. Cartman was so relaxed, Kyle realised that he must have forgotten that he was surrounded by minorities. Or perhaps he wasn't really bothered by them in the first place and he just played it up to make Kyle _more_ fed-up with him, because for some reason Cartman found annoying him hilarious. Either explanation was plausible, but Kyle didn't want to think about it, so he just laid back and thought of nothing much.

All of a sudden, it went dark behind Kyle's eyelids. He opened his eyes to find that they were going under the river's little, rocky cavern for the dozenth time. In the middle of the cavern, water fell in an aquatic curtain from the rocks above, and Kyle closed his eyes once more and shivered as he felt the cold stream pelting his bare skin and pattering loudly against his rubber ring. Everything was so peaceful and gentle, and the chorus of chattering voices around him meshed together until it sounded like he was by a babbling brook. It didn't feel like he was in a busy, crowded waterpark. It felt like he was adrift on a real river out in the middle of nowhere, with just Cartman by his side. He had never imagined that it could be so, but it felt nice like that, just the two of them alone together. He kept his eyes closed so as to not ruin the illusion.

"Cartman?" Kyle asked. Cartman hummed to show that he was listening. "Are you happy?"

"I'm at the waterpark," Cartman said simply. "Of course I'm happy."

"No," Kyle shook his head. "I mean are you happy with, like, life in general?"

Cartman paused for a minute, taken aback by the serious question. Kyle still took pride in being one of the few people who could take him off-guard like that. Cartman obviously enjoyed it, too, as Kyle could hear the helpless smile in his voice as he asked, "Getting deep on the lazy river?"

Kyle shrugged. "What better place to get deep?"

"True." Kyle felt himself stop spinning and registered a weight on his ring, and knew, without needing to open his eyes to look, that Cartman was gripping the handle of it and floating connected to him like that. "Yeah," he finally answered. "Life's pretty cool, I guess."

"Why's that?" Kyle asked, genuinely intrigued. They seldom had the occasion to talk so seriously, after all, and he was curious about Cartman's answer. It was unexpected, since it felt like he just complained about his life most of the time, claiming that it fucked him without so much as a courtesy lick.

"I don't know. It just is. Maybe life just can't help being so cool for someone as cool as me."

Kyle laughed shortly, because that answer had been so Cartman that he was surprised he hadn't seen it waddling over from a mile away with a maniacal grin, a terrible idea, and a cunning plan. "Yeah, right. You think you're such hot shit."

"I do," Cartman laughed. "Obviously you do too, otherwise you wouldn't be dating me."

Kyle grinned. "Nah. I just feel sorry for you is all."

Cartman chuckled, "Sure, Jew, whatever you say." For a few moments, they returned to silence as they floated along, but when that was broken, it was done so by Cartman. "What about you, Kyle?" Kyle hummed inquisitively, urging him to expand on his query. "Are you happy?"

Kyle considered his answer carefully. He wasn't really rich, or astonishingly attractive, or particularly popular. He lived in what sometimes felt like hell on earth, had rotten luck, and got sick far too often. But, at the same time, he had enough going for him. He was pretty smart, somewhat successful, and surrounded by friends and family who loved him for who he was – in spite of who he was. All things considered, his lot was one to be happy with.

"Yeah," he said. "I think I am."

"We're talking about in general, right?" Cartman clarified. "Not just right here, right now?"

"Yeah. I'm happy. My life isn't perfect, but it's pretty good."

"Because I'm in your life, right?"

Kyle laughed, "You're part of it, I guess."

Cartman scoffed. " _Part_ of it? I'm the whole package!"

"Ah, yes." Kyle shook his head. "How could I live without your arrogance?"

"Ay!" Cartman cried out, offended. Kyle just laughed, and Cartman joined in shortly, unable to remain affronted for too long. They floated in silence after that for a few more minutes, just enjoying the lull of the water pulling them along, occasionally bumping into other rubber rings. Eventually, though, Cartman grew bored, as usual. "Hey, we should go on some slides," he suggested.

Kyle finally opened his eyes and blinked against the bright sun. He thought about it for a moment, and then nodded. Nobody peed on the slides. "Yeah," he agreed. "The mat slide looks pretty fun." He turned his head to look at Cartman, and saw that he had that mischievous glint in his eyes again.

"Race you down it."

Kyle bristled at the notion of a competition. Many things had changed over the years, but his determination to win against Cartman and feel the satisfaction of victory was not one of those things. Smirking confidently, he consented to the challenge.

"You're on."

They dismounted their rings at the entrance to the lazy river, wading to the steps to give them to the next people waiting in line before getting out of the water, dripping all over the sun-hot concrete burning the soles of their feet. Neither looked at nor spoke to each other as they marched to the mat slide, each unwilling to act friendly with their foe. Even while waiting in line to receive a mat, nothing was said and no looks were shared. Cartman didn't make a single complaint about anything, and Kyle stared resolutely at the slide, sizing it up. He felt confident that he could win. He was small and lithe, and was therefore more likely to slide quickly and less likely to get stuck. He felt triumphant already.

Once they had each been given a mat they walked up the slope to the top of the slide with purpose, their steps unwavering, their eyes ablaze. When they reached the top, they claimed a couple of empty slides side-by-side and readied themselves on their mats, awaiting the whistle.

"Ready to lose?" Cartman asked.

Kyle turned his head to look pointedly at Cartman. "Are you talking to yourself?"

Cartman laughed as though Kyle had said something absurd. "Just you wait, Jew."

When all of the slides were full, all heads turned to the lifeguard at the bottom. Kyle tensed his shoulders and gripped the front of his mat tightly, readying his toes for the push-off, like a shark preparing to surge towards its prey. His heart hammered as he saw the lifeguard raise the starting whistle to his lips, and he felt the adrenaline begin to pump around his system. He could smell victory. Either that or chlorine.

Kyle pushed off almost the millisecond the whistle was blown. He felt the rush of the wind as he sped down the slide, the running water of it spraying in his wake. He felt alive as the bottom of the slide rushed to meet him. But then he faltered, as a blur shot past him.

"See you at the bottom, Jew!" Cartman called out over his shoulder as he overtook Kyle. Kyle gaped after him in a state of disbelief and shock.

"No!" he shouted, as though that would hinder Cartman. "No!"

He watched as Cartman splashed into the pool at the bottom first, and then he fell in after him, just a few seconds too late to not feel like an awful loser.

"Well, Kyle," Cartman started once they had resurfaced and were heading up the steps to give their mats to the people waiting in line, his voice wafting with enough smug to give George Clooney’s acceptance speech a run for its money, "it looks like I won."

Kyle huffed in response. He would never admit it, but he was a bit of a sore loser. "Whatever," he said, crossing his arms over his chest once he had handed his mat over. "You only won because the weight of your fat ass dragged you down."

"Actually, it was the weight of my coolness," Cartman corrected. He laughed and slapped Kyle on the back good-naturedly. "Cheer up, Kyle. You were never going to win." Kyle huffed again, louder, and turned his back on his boyfriend. Cartman just chortled and wound his arm around Kyle's waist to pull him in closer and land a kiss on his cheek. He laughed again, in the obnoxious way that was loud enough to draw the attention of several passers-by, when Kyle turned red and swatted him away with the back of his hand.

"You're such an ass," he said spitefully.

"I love you too, babe." Cartman winked, pulling Kyle's hand out of his crossed-armed stance and leading him away. "Now quit being sore. Your ass is like that enough after I pound it."

"Cartman!" Kyle cried, afraid of what they did behind closed doors being loudly announced to the whole entire waterpark. But he went with him anyway, hoping that another park attraction would make both him and Cartman forget his loss.

They walked along a whole section of varying pools, passing sunbathers in lounge chairs and dodging children running around their feet. Kyle looked at the pools as they went by them, finding that the water looked cool and blue (instead of warm and yellow) and overall so inviting.

"They have a cool tunnel slide here," Cartman remarked enthusiastically, stirring Kyle out of his urge to dive into each and every pool. "It's pitch-black inside, and it has some wicked loops."

"Are we going there then?" Kyle asked.

Cartman rolled his eyes. "Yeah, where else would we be-?"

He was cut off by the whine of a loud siren starting up suddenly nearby. Kyle creased his brow and looked around in wonderment, curious as to whether there was a police car or ambulance in the park, worrying about why it was there if it was. Meanwhile, Cartman looked fixedly at one of the nearby pools, packed to the brim with excited-looking people.

"Oh, my God," he murmured, slowly starting to walk toward it with a confused Kyle in tow. "Oh, my God!" he yelled, breaking into a run.

"What?!" Kyle yelled back, his brow creasing further as his worry grew. "What's happening?!"

"It's starting!" Cartman replied. "Right this minute!"

Kyle, still not following, was getting frustrated. He hated being kept in the dark. "What is?!"

"The wave pool!" Cartman bellowed, running down the slope into the packed pool. Kyle shaped an 'o' with his mouth as he understood. The siren wasn't from a police car or an ambulance – it was signalling the start of the hourly waves. He immediately felt the worry leave him, and found himself giggling as he was dragged by a childishly ecstatic Cartman further into the pool.

"So I guess we're not going to the wicked cool tunnel slide?" he asked over the chatter of the crowd.

"Later!" Cartman dismissed. He pulled Kyle with him right to the front, pushing through the gaps in the crowd. Kyle trailed slightly behind, allowing Cartman to part the way for him with his largeness. At the front, Cartman finally dropped Kyle's hand in favour of spreading his arms out wide as if he was at the bow of a ship. Kyle couldn't help but smile at the sight.

Finally, the siren ended, and there was a chorus of whoops and cheers as the waves started, pushing everybody back with their force. Kyle lifted his feet from the floor to swim against the flow, and he felt like he was fighting his way through a stormy sea. It was more fun than he had expected.

"Yes!" Cartman shouted as waves barrelled into him. "Yes!"

Kyle was impressed at how Cartman managed to stand his own against the push of the waves – like a stubborn, jutting rock in a stormy sea. It reminded him how strong Cartman really was, no matter how much he still wailed for his mother whenever Kyle so much as tapped him too hard. That hadn't happened in a while, though – they didn't fight so much anymore. They _did_ still bicker over the silliest things, and disagree like they were born to do just that, and argue at the drop of a hat; but they had both just matured a little more since elementary school, and were more prone to drop a matter than debate it. Or that was what Kyle thought, anyway. Meanwhile, Kenny liked to waggle his eyebrows suggestively at them and say that they had finally fucked out all of their sexual tension. Sometimes Kyle found that explanation plausible, too.

All good things came to an end, and so did the wave pool. There were unanimous cries of disappointment throughout the pool, most predominately from Cartman, but there wasn't going to be an encore for another hour, so the majority of the crowd filed out while others remained to swim.

"That was fun," Kyle remarked as he swam to the shallow entrance of the pool. Cartman walked beside him with slouched shoulders, still distraught that the waves had ended so soon. Kyle knew how to cheer him up, though. “You wanna go on that slide now?”

Immediately, Cartman’s eyes lit up. "Yeah! Let’s do it!”

Kyle snickered at him, and followed him up the slope and out of the pool. They walked to the tunnel slide, daunting in its height and its darkness and the screams issuing from the mouth of it, and joined the line for the double-seated floats. Cartman insisted that they ride down together as it would _apparently_ be more _"romantic."_ Kyle thought that Cartman seriously needed to review the definition of that word in the dictionary when they got home, but otherwise he agreed that riding together would be more fun than riding alone.

They got their float and carried it between them as they made their way up the tall slope to the top of the slide. It was so high that it was almost as though they were climbing a mountain. By the time they reached the top, Cartman was red-faced and panting, and Kyle had to stop to let him fall forward to brace his hands on his knees and catch his breath back.

"You're so fat," he stated with disgust. Cartman responded by holding his middle finger up at Kyle.

When Cartman had finally inhaled enough oxygen to carry on, they continued to the line for the slide. It was a long line since the slide was so popular. Despite the length of the line, though, Cartman did not complain. Instead, he looked out across the stunning scenery they had of the world beyond the waterpark.

"Look, Kyle," he said, wrapping an arm around Kyle's shoulders and pulling him in to where he could rest his cheek on the crown of his red, curly head. "Just look at that view."

Kyle shrugged, not quite moved to awe by the busy highway cutting through the rolling hills, but not wanting to upset Eric who apparently was. "It's nice, I guess."

"No, Kyle," Cartman pulled away to fix him with a warning stare. "You're meant to say it's beautiful."

Kyle raised his brow, but he complied all the same, curious to see where doing so would get him. "It's beautiful," he said with another dismissive shrug and an unsure expression etched onto his face as he didn't know why the adjective he used mattered. All became clear, though, when Cartman smiled charmingly and tilted Kyle's chin up with two fingers.

"Not as beautiful as you, Kyle."

Kyle groaned, jerking his head out of Cartman's grasp and batting his hand away. "That is _so_ out of date."

Cartman pouted. "Just because something is old doesn't mean it's bad." That much was true, so Kyle didn't disagree, but he also didn't fall to Cartman's over-used lines.

Cartman was constantly doing stuff like that. He seemed to think it was necessary in their relationship to do such things as turn up on Kyle's doorstep on Valentine's Day with a bouquet of roses, a swarm of balloons, a monster of a card, and a heart-shaped box of chocolates. It was ridiculous. And yet, Kyle liked it. When Cartman had turned up like that, he had burst out laughing, bent over clutching his stomach, and hadn't been able to stop for a good five minutes. It was nice knowing that, as clueless as he was about relationships and what Kyle would actually like, he was trying. It was even better that he wasn't motivated by money, or food, or the tears of his enemies, but just by a want for Kyle and his happiness. Soppy and vomit-inducing as it may have been, Kyle liked a Cartman like that. But not all the time. He could only deal with hearing so much romantic poetry shouted up to his bedroom window at midnight. Cartman seriously needed to realise that he already had Kyle, and he could stop trying to woo him already.

They continued to move slowly, enough that Cartman started complaining about lines again and Kyle started considering pushing him down the hill, up until they reached the small pool that led into the mouth of the slide. They stepped into the pool and Kyle shivered at the sting of the cold water. He peered into the black, plastic slide and felt as though he was looking into a pitch-dark pipe to doom. Admittedly, he was scared. He didn't like being blinded. He tried to calm himself by instead turning his attention to Cartman, who was readying their float in the pool. He watched as Cartman plonked himself down into the seat at the back, and then looked expectantly up at Kyle.

"Come on, Jew. You aren't pussying out, are you?"

Kyle frowned at the assumption of his cowardice. "No!" he cried, and went to slide himself into the seat in front of Cartman, in-between his legs. Cartman laughed behind him as though he knew how fearful Kyle was beginning to feel.

They sat there for what felt like forever, and every second heightened the urge Kyle felt to leap out of the float and away from the slide and go back to the lounge chairs or the lazy river or the wave pool, or just something else that felt a bit less like a ride to his death. But he fought that urge with the knowledge that if he did chicken out, then Cartman would mock him for it for the rest of the day, and continue mocking him for the rest of the week, and would tell all the guys from school about it so that they could mock him too. Kyle much preferred the risk of blind death to _that_.

"Okay, you can go," the lifeguard manning the slide announced, and Kyle bit down on his lip to stifle a cry of fear as Cartman pushed them off, out of the pool and into the slide.

"Yes!" Cartman yelled in the slide's throat. Kyle didn't open his mouth because otherwise he would have let out a banshee scream. The slide was fast, and the twists and turns of it sent the float sloshing around haphazardly inside the tunnel. It was so dark that Kyle couldn't even see his feet propped up on the float in front of him, and in an unconscious moment of fear he gripped the legs of Cartman beside him. "Ow! Kyle!" Cartman yelled as the redhead dug his nails into his skin. Kyle wanted to apologise, but he couldn't remember how words happened. All he could feel, building up in the bottom of his gut, was an ear-shattering scream. He ground his teeth together to keep it from bursting forth.

Kyle began to wonder whether the slide was ever going to end. It was going so fast, and yet taking so long to reach the bottom. It was almost as though they were going to keep on sliding into oblivion forevermore, with no way to stop or turn back, stuck eternally in an endless, jet-black, jet-fast loop of fear. But his panic was quelled, when he finally saw a light at the end of the tunnel.

They splashed back into the reality of the waterpark in a spray of water, slowing along a stretch of slide opened to the broad daylight Kyle had missed. Cartman was laughing and whooping behind him, as he had been doing throughout the duration of the ride. Kyle was digging his claws into Cartman like a startled, drowned cat, his curls drenched and falling over his wide eyes, his teeth glued together by a determination not to scream. Still laughing, Cartman pried Kyle's hands off of his legs. There were red circular marks and crescent dents where his fingertips and nails had dug.

"You okay, Kyle?" he asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. Kyle wasn't, but he didn't want Cartman to know that, so he shakily nodded his head. "You sure?"

Kyle finally pulled his teeth apart, his scream no longer threatening to make an appearance, long-dead in his throat. "Peachy." His voice was weak and hoarse. "Shall we go again?"

Cartman snorted and shook his head. "I don't think so. Come on. Let's get you out of here." He stood up and stepped out of the slide. Kyle tried to follow, but his legs were so shaky and unstable that he fell back down as soon as he tried to haul himself up. "Whoa!" Cartman laughed as he reached out to support Kyle by the shoulders. He was loving every amusing minute of this pathetic, petrified Kyle.

"I slipped on the slide," Kyle lied.

"Sure you did." Cartman sounded amused, but not convinced. "Come on, Jew, up you get."

He helped haul Kyle up by his shoulders, and when he was on his feet he kept a steadying hand in his as Kyle stepped out of the slide, wobbling like a new-born fawn. Cartman pulled Kyle's arm up to wrap it around his shoulders and hold him up before reaching down to pick up their float from the slide. He took it to the float-dealing lifeguard, and then continued with Kyle to somewhere far away from the tunnel slide.

"You need to throw up?" he asked. Kyle shook his head. "You wanna eat?" Kyle grimaced and shook his head more vigorously.

"Anything but that.” He decided to stop trying to pretend that he hadn't been scared of that slide, since it was obvious that Cartman had realised that he was already. He just felt relieved that Cartman hadn't started mocking him about it yet.

"Alright," Cartman laughed, "not that. You wanna go back on the lazy river?"

Kyle didn't need to think too long about it. Soon they were back on the lazy river, and Kyle was imitating Cartman's earlier belly-flop position on the ring, moaning and groaning face-down over the water. Cartman floated beside him, laughing as he rubbed his back comfortingly. It would have been nice of him, had he not been so obviously entertained by Kyle's misery.

"You should have seen your face, Kyle. You were pale as fuck, ha!"

"Fuck you," Kyle grumbled weakly.

It took a good half hour of floating round and round on the lazy river, but eventually Kyle climbed down from his scared, sickly state to something more relaxed and less likely to vomit. He didn't want to experience that feeling for a second time that day, though, so he told Cartman that he just wanted to walk around the waterpark and see all of the pools. Cartman, in one of his rarer sympathetic and selfless moments, not only allowed him to but also accompanied him.

They walked hand-in-hand to the centre of the park – the main domain of the variety of pools – and Kyle listened with a grimace as Cartman continued to recount how incredibly funny Kyle had looked after the slide and how he couldn't wait to tell the other guys from school about it. Then Cartman cried out in pain as Kyle trod on his foot, and Kyle pretended that it was an accident and tried to act like he was sorry, although he was grinning far too wide to be convincing.

After a few minutes of walking, Cartman spotted a pool that interested him, primarily for the fact that it was a garden of fountains, and Kyle went with him into it because he thought that it looked quite fun too. The spray of the water was cold and constant, and Kyle felt like he was standing out in the rain as it sprinkled over him. He turned to look at Cartman, and snorted at the sight of him with his arms spread wide and his face turned up towards the sky, sticking his tongue out to catch the droplets.

"You're meant to do that with snowflakes," he told him as he approached him. Cartman turned his head down to the side to grin at him. Then Kyle was crying out, startled, as Cartman lunged for him and pulled him up into his arms to spin him round and round in circles under the fountains' spray. "Cartman!" Kyle tried to sound annoyed but ended up sounding anything but. "Put me down!"

" _I'm singing in the rain! Just singing in the rain!_ " Cartman sang, pointedly ignoring his protests. Kyle groaned and covered his face with his hands in embarrassment. " _What a glorious feeling! I'm happy again!_ "

"Oh, my God, don't!" Kyle begged, clasping his hands together in a pleading gesture. Against his wishes, Cartman continued.

" _I'm laughing at clouds, so dark up above! The sun's in my heart..._ " Here, he looked down at Kyle, and the smaller teen's cheeks pinked as he delivered the next lyrics with a meaningful wink. " _And I'm ready for love._ "

Though his heart skipped, Kyle plastered a displeased expression onto his face. "You're disgusting."

Cartman hummed, leaning in until their noses were touching and rubbing them together. "No use lying to me, Kyle. I know how wonderful I am."

" _Wow_ ," Kyle deadpanned, throwing his arms around Cartman's neck, "you’re _right_ , your engorged ego is just _charming_. How does _anybody_ resist you?"

Cartman chuckled. "You don't," he said before kissing Kyle, slow and deep. Kyle was reluctant at first, conscious of the fact that they were in a public pool in a crowded waterpark, surrounded by playing children, tainting everyone's innocence with their indecent display. But the addictive mould of Cartman's warm lips to his soon made him forget about all that, and he closed his eyes and melted into the kiss with a satisfied hum.

Not even the sting of the cold fountain water pelting down onto his bare skin distracted Kyle from the kiss. Everything he felt was the intoxicating brush of Cartman's lips, the maddening nip of his teeth, the lazy yet lewd slide of his tongue, and the ticklish sensation of his hot breath and quiet gasps. It was, and always had been, one of the greatest feelings he had ever experienced, awakening each and every one of his senses and making him feel alive. Cartman tightened his hold on Kyle's shoulders and knees, and Kyle used his hold around Cartman's neck to pull him closer, pressing their chests flush against each other. He felt safe and impervious to the world in Cartman's thick, strong arms. He felt happy – happier than he could have ever imagined was possible – his stomach churning with a fluttering of butterflies, his cheeks heating with a rush of blood, and his heart jumping wildly with excitement in his chest. He felt the hammer of Cartman's heart too, and knew that he felt the same.

All too soon, it came to an end, the moment broken by unanimous retching sounds from the mouths of a few on-looking children. Kyle recoiled from Cartman, his cheeks red for a new reason. Cartman, meanwhile, turned his head to shoot the children an irate glare.

"Fuck off," he spat venomously.

The children didn't need telling twice. They scampered away through the forest of silver fountains without further ado, water splashing in their wake. Kyle, meanwhile, was still reeling from Cartman’s outburst, gaping in disbelief at him.

"You can't say fuck to kids, you fucking fatass!"

"Well why the fuck not? It doesn't hurt 'em.”

Kyle tried – not for the first time, and not for the last – to explain common decency to Cartman, but his efforts were fruitless – as they always had been, and always would be – so in the end he just pulled on his ear and hoped that that would be lesson enough.

Their kiss wasn't the only good thing that came to an end. It was getting late, and Kyle had promised his mom he’d be back home in time for dinner.

"We need to get going now," he told Cartman as they left the pool.

"Aw, really?" Cartman whined. Kyle laughed at how much he sounded like a child. No matter how much he grew and changed and matured, he would still always be ten years younger at heart. Maybe sometimes that wasn’t such a bad thing.

"Yeah," Kyle nodded. "If I don’t get back soon then my mom'll throw a fit."

"Your mom's such a bitch," Cartman huffed. Kyle sent him a side-long glare.

"Don't call my mom a bitch, Fatass!" he exclaimed, jabbing a warning finger at him. Cartman scoffed and waved a dismissive hand, but didn't say anything more on the matter. Kyle could see him dying to sing _Kyle's Mom is a Big Fat Bitch_ , though, so he was appreciative that he resisted the temptation. Cartman had become more considerate since realising that his actions affected whether or not Kyle wanted to go down on him in the near future.

They returned to their locker to fetch their stuff, and dried themselves off with their towels and put their t-shirts back on, and Cartman slapped Kyle's hat back onto his head with a grin that could only be described as affectionate. Side-by-side, hand-in-hand, they made their way out of the waterpark and back to Cartman's beaten-up, second-hand truck in the parking lot. Lethargy began to creep up on Kyle as they got into the truck. While Cartman started the engine, Kyle rested his forehead against the window to watch the world blur by with drooping eyes. Cartman put on some music, but the sound of it faded to Kyle along with everything else, and just a few minutes down the road he fell completely asleep.

When he was woken up, it was by a large hand shaking his shoulder, accompanied by a familiar voice. "Kyle, wake up. We're home."

Kyle groaned and stretched out. Something slid off of him, and he opened his bleary eyes to see that it was a thick, woollen blanket – the one Cartman kept in the back seat of his truck at all times. Before Kyle had time to wonder how it had ended up on him, Cartman was shaking him again. With another displeased groan, he fumbled for his seatbelt buckle. "Alright, alright, I'm awake."

Cartman stepped back and allowed Kyle to sleepily shuffle out of the passenger seat, throwing his legs over the side to plant his feet on the familiar ground of Cartman's driveway. Once Kyle was out of the truck, he yawned loudly and stretched his arms up high above his head, arching his back so that his t-shirt rode up. Cartman took that opportunity to tickle his exposed stomach.

"Hey!" Kyle cried indignantly, slapping his hand away. "Quit it!"

Cartman only laughed, not at all intimidated by the furrow of Kyle's brow or the firmness of his frown. He closed the door behind Kyle and locked the truck as he held out Kyle's straw tote to him. "Here you go, Jew."

"Thanks," Kyle murmured, taking his bag with one hand and rubbing his eye with the other. He looked around them, at the neighbourhood they had grown up in. It was aglow with the remaining rays of the setting sun, and, save for a few playing children savouring the last of daylight, the streets were empty as everybody had decided to call it a night and say goodbye to the rare combination of heat and sunshine.

"You wanna come to mine for dinner?" Cartman asked. "We're having tacos." As tantalising as the offer of Liane Cartman's famous cooking was, Kyle couldn't upset his own mother that way.

"Nah," he declined with a shake of his head. "Thanks though."

Cartman nodded understandingly, which was remarkable. Just a couple of years ago, he probably would have stamped his foot and whined about things not going his way. As it was, he simply asked, "Will I see you later?"

"Probably not. I'm feeling pretty tired." As if to prove it, Kyle yawned once more.

"Alright," Cartman chuckled. "I'll see you tomorrow then." He stepped forward and leant down, tilting Kyle's chin up with the curl of his fingers, to meet his lips in a chaste farewell kiss. Kyle returned it with as much vigour as he could muster in his weary state, which wasn't much at all, but Cartman seemed satisfied with it anyway, if his soft smile was anything to go by once they had parted. "Goodnight, Jew."

Kyle smiled back tiredly. "Goodnight, Fatass." His heart fluttered as Cartman couldn't seem to resist leaning in once more to press one last kiss to his cheek, but then he was gone. Kyle watched Cartman retreat to his house, feeling a tiny bit sad to see him go. But he remembered that he had spent a whole day with him, and that he would get to see him again tomorrow, so he felt more optimistic as he turned and walked away, across the grass, past the home of his Super Best Friend to his own situated beside it.

As he went, he couldn't help thinking, with a faint smile, that perhaps waterparks weren't so bad after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, everyone! I'm PartiPooper, and this is my AO3 debut! I've been writing for South Park for five years, and this story is actually from my FF.net account. It would seem that AO3 is the place to be nowadays, though, and a lot of my friends have recommended I join. That's why I'm here now.
> 
> I'm going to slowly re-post old, edited favourites from my FF.net account to my AO3 account, and hopefully I'll start writing some new stories too. I say "hopefully" because I suffer from long blocks frequently, so I can't make any promises. I'm just trying to kick myself back into writing. I hope y'all'll be along for the ride!
> 
> This first fanfiction was inspired by my love of both S13E14 'Pee' and 'I Love You When You're Wet' by OverSweetNightmare on FF.net. I think it sets the benchmark for what y'all can expect from me: cute and fluffy! I like my Kyman to be quite sweet with a slight hint of sour - that's one thing to know about me.
> 
> Thank you! I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it! Please leave a comment if you can!


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